The AFISA Elements Newsletter by Adele Frost, M.Ed.
https://www.AdeleFrost.com
Hello there, AFISA Elementors!
June is Love Relationships Month
Ahhhh! The month of June! Spring flowers everywhere, family gatherings and celebrations. It's the month of getting out into the gorgeous weather and soaking in the sun when you can!
It's also about spending time with the ones we love and have close relationships with. Whomever your significant other is or whomever your close circle involves, June is the dedicated month in the year to spread your love!
Which brings me to today's newsletter topic = communication.
There are so many ways to communicate with your loved ones! What I do want to briefly touch upon here is the two way street, in a love relationship, and basic communication. When developing relationships, either new or existing, here are a few ways to communicate your needs, wants and desires:
Scheduling for Success: Talking about the upcoming week's events is essential for love relationships. You'll set the pace for how your time is spent as a couple and alone. If your love relationship is like mine, a 10 minute briefing at Sunday breakfast does the trick. We look at the week ahead with meeting our needs, wants, desires and responsibilities while we're waiting for breakfast to cook then we eat our meal. We'll negotiate if necessary but decisions are usually made on Sunday morning. If we don't do this at breakfast, before the day ends, we connect to make sure we are on the same page for the upcoming week.
Meeting Needs: Being direct with your needs is essential for a relationship to work. Now if it's intimate needs (with my love partner,) generally, I don't experience resistence but if it's monetary, social, medical, responsibility-related or a time management issue... there's some negotiating and "discussions" that need to take place. My partner doesn't like change. If a new need comes up.. there may be resistance. Certainly talking about it is my initial form of communication. On Monday, I like texting as a form of clarity and consistency in expressing my needs to my loved one. If a deadline needs to be met, then I will include that in the text. To keep things light, I may include a funny GIF picture within the text, a one word prompt or a personal picture alluding to the need. I also like following up with a phone call as a reminder or provide an alternative way of meeting that need. Doing this while at work provides time for him to grumble and process before he gets home. He can play out case scenarios, weigh the pros and cons and process the information without me. I'm working on waiting to talk about my needs until after my husband changes out of his work clothes when he arrives home. Take note: I pick my battles with direct texting and face to face discussions to get my needs met. My loved one should be there for me yes, but may not always be there for me. It is my responsibility to meet my own needs. This concept may be a hard pill to swallow for my Elementors but a lesson I learned in my personal development journey. By meeting my own needs, I can then focus on my positive love relationship. The point is not being dependent on your love relationship when you can meet your needs independently. Generally, you are capable of meeting your own needs. We'll talk more about responsibilities in a minute.
Wants and Desires: I create my own positive environment. I present my wants and desires in a way that are not selfish but in a way that makes me a better person to serve my family or raise our family to become better as a whole. I will leave materials ALL over the place alluding to my wants and desires. Typically, if the want and desire correlates with my husband's then it's a matter of figuring out how to obtain that want or desire monetarily or creatively. If he doesn't not want a part of it, then negotiations occur. For love relationship month, let's say I'm trying to get him aboard an idea or getting him to participate in something. I talk to him about my perfect case scenario and how it would benefit us as a couple or a family. I place related materials include pictures, objects, pamphlets, etc... on the kitchen table or island so that he's sees the proposals. I will forward information from websites, reels, emails so that he sees pros and cons to my wants and desires. I will move forward with dates and downpayments for two if there's an inkling of interest from him. Me doing the coordination helps ease the idea and transition to doing something new. Remember, your loved one has formed comfort zones. This new idea, want or desire brings the person out of his or her comfort zone. Your loved one may resist or hesitate with the new idea. Make the transition easy and do the majority of the work for your want and desire. Personally, I will ignore the "crotchety mumbling and grumbling from him" because I know once the experience/purchase happens, he'll enjoy it. If he's really looking for an out, I quickly pivot to having a family member or friend go with me so that my wants and desires are met. I'll role model growth by following through on my want and desire in hope that he'll participate next time, especially if the kids are aboard with the idea and they can go with me.
Love Relationship Responsibilities: As partners, we share certain responsibilities with the bills, the kids, the household chores, etc... I have learned that some responsibilities are not always equal - especially one and dones (soccer sign ups, college applications, FAFSA's, taxes, etc..) or emergency case scenarios (broken down cars, taking care of family issues, overtime at work with scheduling impacts.) Responsibilities cannot always be shared responsibilities. Sometimes, I needed to carry out a task to get it done and other times, he needed to handle it. Communication is key with responsibilities and love relationships. What has worked for me - keeping the goal in mind of "creating a supportive relationship." Love relationships aren't always positive with sunshine and roses. They are not always balanced and equal. A love relationship is a supportive relationship in good and bad times that lifts the person/family to a better place. The other partner may need to carry the load of responsibilities for the other for a short period of time to meet the partner's or family needs. Keeping the philosophy of "Whatever It Takes" to support each other has carried both me and my husband through many trials and tribulations, medical situations, heartache, and deadlines. Usually, the best communication during these times, is texting and calling each other with step by step progress. This helps update each other on what is accomplished, what is currently happening and next steps for a better outcome. Sometimes, just being there, physically being present, is the preferred method of communicating that you care. Even if there are no words exchanged, just showing up is the best support you can give.
10 Things I Do in the Love Relationship Month of June
1. I practice the 5 love languages. (1) Words of Affirmation - Encourage, Affirm, Appreciate and Listen Actively (2) Physical Touch - Use my body language and touch to show love (3.) Giving and Receiving Gifts - giving thoughtful experiences, gestures and items to my loved one as well as accepting what he/she gives to me with gratitude (4) Spend Quality Time with my Loved Ones - giving uninterrupted focused time and attention to my loved one when experiencing a moment and having conversations (5.) Acts of Service - helping with the weight of the load my loved one is carrying, rising them up so that they are in a better place/their best self.
2. I communicate my needs, wants, and desires to and with my loved one. (See the paragraphs above). Using my daily planner helps me to organize my needs, wants and desires. Communicating those things to my partner and family streamlines our calendars, starts negotiations and averts conflicts. By using a group text to communicate with our family, me and my husband are able to note dates and times of events, keeping the schedule straight (for the most part,) prioritize purchases and time block quality time with each other.
3. I meet my own needs then take care of my responsibilities as an adult and loving partner. I will work on my best self so that I can contribute more to my partner and family. By caring for myself, I have the energy and the stamina to carry out my responsibilities and serve others where I can. I act as a role model by taking care of myself first then helping others.
4. Create a beautiful environment! It took some time to create an organized, calm, creative and loving environment. Purging what did not serve me, my husband or my family was/is the first step. We pick up the house daily and organize weekly. A cleaning service cleans the house every 3-4weeks. Periodically, we buy new things for the house, providing a refresh of things. For events, I'm sure to craft things and decorate to celebrate my loved ones.
5. Tapping into Spiritually and Faith. Raising three kids challenged me and my husband to go out of our comfort zone and experience new things, including emergency situations with broken bones and surgeries. We really leaned on GOD in those situations and realized that faith and religion just don't occur on Sundays and during emergency times. We pray often as a couple with gratitude (not just during the hard times) and I personally mediate to connect with my GOD spiritually.
6. We experience new things together. I'm always trying to get my husband to experience new things, like going to a new restaurant or an event of interest. During the warmer and sunnier months he's more willing to get out of the house so I take advantage of the situation.
7. We discuss the now and the future. Evaluating what is working and what needs work is a conversation that happens every three months organically for me and my husband. I think mentally, it's the end of the quarter so inherently we review our routines and systems. We dream too about our next chapters. Sometimes we don't make decisions. I'll bring up a topic and we'll discuss it alittle... or alot.
8. We volunteer together or separately. We contribute. A part of our loving relationship is giving. Not only to each other but to others. Volunteering helps us to get to know other couples, satiate our desire to serve and help others, contribute to making the world a better place and be a unit of gratitude for what we had, have and will have.
9. We respect each other's space. When we schedule for success, there's unwritten rule that Sunday nights we have our own personal time away from each other for a few hours. He goes to his best friend's house to watch tv and I work on personal things, Life Coaching and Paper Fascinator businesses. Having this dedicated personal time has really helped us with growing as separate beings and returning to our relationship before bedtime to regroup even for a few minutes.
10. We hug and/or kiss before we leave the house and say I love you. Life Coaching has been eye opening for me. Not every couple hugs, kisses nor says I love you to each other daily. Initiating this practice before a person leaves the house sends your loved one on their journey with a blessing - that they leave the house with love and support and a hope that they return safely. This act of love is one of the greatest forms of love. Take the initiative this month to do it.
Love Relationship Month Challenge
Express a desire with your loved one that involves both of you. You can express it in a picture, text, verbally or physically. Seems easy right?
EVENTS
Join me on June 19th at 3:00pm EST to discuss the bridge from pain to personal development = the AFISA Elements Personal Health Plan Tool.
In this webinar, I'll discuss the research and strategies of well-being that I discovered on my path of personal development. I'll introduce you to the Personal Health Plan tool and show you how through my program you can overcome your pain, be productive and happy again. Register for the event here: https://www.adelefrost.com/signup-0a98acd4-2409-49e5-b5b0-6915101a6927
Join me on June 26th at 3:00pm EST at my Fun & Quick workshop, The Identity Card Game!
The Quick & Fun Identity Card Game for Life Vision is a tool that helps you create an identity card for yourself and/or gain further clarity in the things that are most important to you!
This game will
* clarify your Life Vision goals
* help you identify the character / role of who you are
* help you identify the character / role of who you want to be
* confirm your Life Vision course
* serve as an Identity Card for daily inspiration and motivation
* help you realign your goals for this upcoming quarter
Here's the page to register: https://www.adelefrost.com/identity-card-game
Here's the Amazon link to my Identity Card Game chapter in the book, The Life Coach's Tool Kit Volumne 3, created by Erik Seversen with 27 World-Class Experts!
Scheduling for Success on Saturdays and Sundays!
Join me on Saturday mornings at 8:00am EST or Sunday Evenings at 7:00pm EST to Schedule Your Week for Success. Check out the weekly Zoom links under the Events section on my Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/AdeleFrostLifeCoach
PRODUCTS
My students/elementors use these sheets and planners for MAXIMUM clarity and daily focus of weekly strategies to obtain goals in their Life Vision. It's available for purchase on my storefront link on Etsy: https://www.adelefrostllc.etsy.com
Here's the direct link to the listing:
https://adelefrostllc.etsy.com/listing/1686591668/afisa-elements-scheduling-for-success
Use the AFISA Elements process of organizing your annual goals through the AFISA Elements Scheduling for Success Worksheets and the Extraordinary Life Vision Daily Planner - June 2025!
Here's the planner link on Etsy: https://adelefrostllc.etsy.com/listing/1860786091/june-2025-extraordinary-daily-planner
PROMOTIONS
Anyone who signs up for their first session of Life Coaching with me will receive the Scheduling for Success Packet for FREE, as well as, the Extraordinary Life Vision Daily Planner for that month or the next for FREE! Book your 1st Life Coaching Session Now! Here's the link: https://www.adelefrost.com/offers/gorFeTSv
RESOURCES
Book: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert by John M Gottma, PhD.I bought this book in Audibles today. It'll be my read for this month while I walk. It comes highly recommended by thousands of readers. I'm looking forward to the information myself!
Book: The Five Keys to Mindful Communication by Susan Gillis Chapman. Here's another book in the library to listen to or read. This book highlights the 5 key elements of mindful communication: silence, mirroring, encouraging, discerning and responding. It also talks about how we might sabotage communication and how to stay open to listening and learning during more difficult conversations.
Ted on YouTube: The difference between healthy and unhealthy love by Katie Hood. This 12 minute Ted Talk talks about 5 signs of an unhealthy relationship and things that you can do every day to love with respect, kindness and joy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ON4iy8hq2hM
TedxSquareMile: 4 Habits of ALL Successful Relationships by Dr Andrea & Jonathan Taylor-Cummings. This YouTube video is eye-opening with statistics and the information it bears. The 4 Habits are: Be Curious Not Crucial, Be Careful Not Crushing, Ask Don't Assume, and Connect Before You Correct. Here how they describe each habit. Watch the video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4Y5Mr8rZ9A
IN CONCLUSION
If you're reading this last section, I'm very proud of you! You've read about some typically avoided topics and appear to be committed to expanding your love relationship. Will you change your habits or at least try to advance your ability to communicate better this month? Will you demonstrate the languages of love? The change starts with YOU! Take initiative and enter into engaging communication. Reach out to me via email for more discovery! [email protected]
Your Life Coach Extraordinaire,
Adele Frost, M.Ed.
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